Modern Satire Fan Gifts

'Could you give me big tits?'

The Real Truth Why Adam and Eve Left the Garden of Eden

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

"Ancient Aztec shaman-kings predicted a coming together of all the cultures of the world, creating a new enlightenment for human beings."

Knights of the Round Whatever

"Right! It's a heart op, neurosurgery and counselling. And I'll have the Wiz"

'I believe in the free enterprise system. I haven't paid for anything in the past 27 years...'

'I'll have the Chairman-of-the-board Lunch, and Dexter here will have the Sissy's Salad.'

"In financial news, Greek shares continue their slide. Of note, International Feta Cheese continues to crumble."

Pop star weather report.

"I'm a huge fan of your work."

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

'We need more cake shows!'

Reality TV

'They're clouds, Bob. You can't channel surf.'

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

'The controversy builds, as we gather more half-arsed comments to dress up as considered public opinion!'

Frosty decides to have a carrot job

John Banville

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

"I know more about art than you do, so I'll tell you what to like."

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

"I don’t remember there being a tip jar the last time we were here."

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

'He was too chatty. I don't like small talk. Too much gibber, not enough jabber.'

"Worm puree? No, it seems the old lady was sh*tfaced again last night!"

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

Mariana in the Moated Grange - Commercialism in Art