Modern Satire Gifts

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"The torture game is certainly a lot easier these days."

Politically Correct Snowperson

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

The trap

Attack Of The Guy From The Other Room

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Peace bomb.

Corporate Punishment.

"Right! It's a heart op, neurosurgery and counselling. And I'll have the Wiz"

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."

"One trip to the dentist and look who's got the attitude!"

'It's good you called me when you did, Bill. Believe it or not, a little speed-bump like this can derail a perfectly good career if it isn't handled just right!'

"Do we wait for it to be approved as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as furniture polish?"

"It's the press. They want to know if you have anything to say about the sexual harassment charges being levied against you."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

'Don't tell the Fuhrer I filled the war head with jellybabies, you know upset he gets.'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'Plastic surgeon' - 'Gift a give certificate to your ugly friends'

King Commute.

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Litigious Bo Peep

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

'Hey, man, that's not how we do the flash mob!'

'Could you give me big tits?'

Media Attention for Aliens