Modern Royalty Fan Gifts

"No, no, the Queen in not in the counting house. She's at the computer selling stuff on e-Bay."

"We're following Carrot Top."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

King George I

TV jester.

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

The Da Vinci Cod

Oh, wait - Their king posted a declaration of war on your Facebook wall this morning.

'The King of what?'

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

You're my Venus

'Look, Carl, the glory days are over. You might want to slip into something a little more comfortable.'

'Yes, he definitely wants something. . . maybe his crown and scepter.'

King and Jester

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

Reign Man

"One blackbird pizza?"

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

Cut out and keep your own Jane Austen.

"When we asked you to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michaelangelo, we were hoping you'd snazz it up."

'Why round? Why not square? Or rectangle? Or a triangle? Or . . . '

Edmund Kean Supporting Drury Lane

"...and if any of you are opposed to my being king of the snake pit, raise your hands now!"

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

Beefeater

'And there he was shouting: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!'... I thought to myself: Why not...'

'You're going to make the railroads run on time? -- Since when do we have railroads?'

"I'm not loitering officer, I 'm waiting for the next renaissance!"

"Another selfie, Rembrandt?"

Europe on $5000 a day.

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

Lady Jane Grey

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'