Modern Monsters Pillows

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

Zombie standup

Love at First Sight

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

Unfinished painting of a monster in a lake sits beside the lake with no painter in sight

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

Dead Funny

Night of the Zombonies.

Out To Lurch

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

The Loch Ness Rowing Team

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Holy cow, Kenny, look at the size of that thing! It's huge, I tell ya'! And the teeth! The teeth!"

"I don't care what you thought you saw,l there are no such things as people"

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

Doctor Frankenstein creates a new monster that makes the mob even more blood thirsty. Colour

Myths and legends...

'Harvey, did you notice what a beautiful full moon we have tonight?'

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

Zombie pet tricks.