Modern Monk Parody Fan Gifts

"Can you send an engineer, the copiers gone down."

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"The Eggsorcist"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"I'm going on a retreat."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

A monk watches TV in his zen garden.

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

'I keep mine on my IPod.'

'Could you give me big tits?'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"Next on... Auto Mechanic M.D. Your knees are shot, so I'm going to try injecting some grease. If that doesn't work, I'll make you new knees from some shock absorbers."

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

American Gothic lol

'Actually I'm meditating on a bizarre anime that I saw last night.'

'Yep, I'm alone.'

Monk on PC.

"I want to get away to it all."