Modern Monarchist Gifts

A king sits wearing a baseball cap with a crown logo.

A king in a reclinable throne

King George I

"Surprise!"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Don't worry, princess, I'm sure one day your Mr. Divine Right will come along."

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'This is great! -- I should have thought of tax simplification years ago!'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

King completes rubik's cube.

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"I welcome the discussion."

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"We lost another battle? Why does this keep happening?"

The Queen

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

Royalty, Episcopacy, and Law.

"Friend or foe?"

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'