Modern Marriage Maverick Pillows

"We have an arrangement."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

"Arthur, I need my space."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

'We're looking for a minister who recognizes that relationships have a built in obsolesces.'

"Do you...enter name...take...enter name...to be your...choose one from the pull down menu...click the I do icon now please."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology."

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

'Our marriage has been so successful because we are open to each others' points of view, and we always think for ourselves... isn't that right, honey?'

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

From marriage, straight to the counselor.

Sadie, I don't want you to stay in this relationship just because it's convenient. I think the counselor would agree. Counseling $10. Wow. Of course. Counselors never tell you what they think. I think we're overpaying.

Cards: Wedding / You've Changed / You don't Understand Me / I'm Leaving! / I'm going for a pint!

"Steve and I live together, but we're getting indicted separately."

'Dear, your ego is stepping on my shoes again.'

'If I were you I'd poison the bastard!'

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

"You should be happy. How many husbands even notice window treatments?"