Modern Marriage Maven Pillows

"Will you be keeping your own name or rebranding?"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

"Arthur, I need my space."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"Do you...enter name...take...enter name...to be your...choose one from the pull down menu...click the I do icon now please."

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

"Oh, grow up!"

'Don't you think that this is more fun than using a breast pump?'

From marriage, straight to the counselor.

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

'Dear, your ego is stepping on my shoes again.'

'If I were you I'd poison the bastard!'

"Steve and I live together, but we're getting indicted separately."

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

"You should be happy. How many husbands even notice window treatments?"

'And do you, Rob, promise to love and cherish Simone, even if she earns more than you do?'

'Well, Mary, you've already screwed up you first two kids. This could be you last chance...'

And do you promise to love, honour and take out a whopping great pension.

"I made a killing on the stock market, then my wife made a killing on me!"

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"