Marriage Mavens Pillows

"What can I give him that would please me for him to have?"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

"Arthur, I need my space."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Lady in Card Shop sees Sympathy Cards section with 'Bear Market', 'Falling Dollar' and 'Inflation' categories.

The Cattle show Week.

"This doesn't have anything to do with the falling price of oil, does it?"

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

Ralph Stanley

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

'Our marriage has been so successful because we are open to each others' points of view, and we always think for ourselves... isn't that right, honey?'

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

Sadie, I don't want you to stay in this relationship just because it's convenient. I think the counselor would agree. Counseling $10. Wow. Of course. Counselors never tell you what they think. I think we're overpaying.

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

Tuba Player Stores a Barrel of Beer

'Dear, your ego is stepping on my shoes again.'

'If I were you I'd poison the bastard!'

From marriage, straight to the counselor.

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."