Marriage Maverick Pillows

'And do you,take Kevin to be your lawful wedded husband for three years or 50,000 miles?'

'Marriage licenses are $10. and up. Do remember that you get what you pay for.'

"Daddy, I know you gave me away, but can you take me back?"

"She's just waiting for him to be worth divorcing."

'I recommed that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"Arthur, I need my space."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

Competitiveness in Ancient Times

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

"And should you get divorced, promise you won't sue me."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

From marriage, straight to the counselor.

'Dear, your ego is stepping on my shoes again.'

'If I were you I'd poison the bastard!'

'Every weekend he's off hunting with his buddies! I never see him!!!'

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

"You should be happy. How many husbands even notice window treatments?"

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

Lady vicar offering new bride a husband owner's manual.