Modern Marriage Enthusiasts Pillows

"If you both agree to the terms and conditions, press, 'I accept'."

". . . Do you both like and subscribe. . ."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

Online Dating

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

"Do you...enter name...take...enter name...to be your...choose one from the pull down menu...click the I do icon now please."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

So all is not rosy in the garden?

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Gender Symbols

"I married for contrast."

"Steve and I live together, but we're getting indicted separately."

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

Effective Catcalls

"I'd like you to meet my Husband 2.0!"

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"Why, it's a little piece of red yarn! Oh Harold, you always know JUST what to get me."