Modern Life Contemplation Gifts

"You can wrap it up in a pretty package, but it's still life."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Crap from the future.

Maximilian could see far away places,but he never told anyone.

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"The overthinker"

Zenemies.

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

Weird things I do because of the internet

"I could catch a bicyclist, well maybe not a bicyclist, but I could catch a jogger, definitely."

"Did you get my tweet?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Rodin's Thinker.

Tunnel of TV

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

'This is suppose to be progress.'

"If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore, and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown! … Emerson" "Good boy!"

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"How is it gendered?"

"The club scene is really changing."