Modern Family Pillows

"I haven't decided whether or not I want children, but I know I don't want any husbands!"

IVF treatment

"I'm strictly yes or no. Alexa and Siri deal with facts. Value judgements we leave to your mother."

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

'In vitro fertilization and sperm banks. I remember the old days when you couldn't outsource having kids.'

'I don't think she wears a bra anymore!'

'Food? Do you think I'm the kind of mother that cooks?'

'No, the woman of the house is at work. May I help you?'

'He wanted a girl just like the girl who married his dad, instead, he got me!'

'Mom, Kevin just asked me to live with him!'

"I'd like you to meet my half-brother, Joe."

"There, there, son, you know your mother and I are always here for you."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"He just said his first word!"

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"