Modern Family Manager Pillows

"We decided to have the V-chip inserted directly into his brain."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"He just said his first word!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"I had to skip my workout."

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"Congratulations. The ultrasound shows the baby is healthy, a boy and already knows more about technology than you."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

'This home based business is easy to set up. Everyone knows that women are better at multitasking.'

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'Have you googled me to see how old I was when I was born?'

'It wasn't premeditated.

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

"Hello?"

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

"Did you remember to do everything I asked, even the small things I said in passing that didn't sound like real requests?"