Modern Family Manager T-Shirts

"We decided to have the V-chip inserted directly into his brain."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"He just said his first word!"

"I had to skip my workout."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

"Congratulations. The ultrasound shows the baby is healthy, a boy and already knows more about technology than you."

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

'This home based business is easy to set up. Everyone knows that women are better at multitasking.'

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

"I'm an expert in crisis management, I've got three daughters!"

'It wasn't premeditated.

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

"Hello?"

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

"Did you remember to do everything I asked, even the small things I said in passing that didn't sound like real requests?"

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”