Modern Fad Aficionado Pillows

"Alright, I admit stopping to take a selfie outside of the bank, was a mistake."

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

'Good to know my whole social life hasn't been a complete waste.'

"I'm afraid it's two, three months, tops, before you're all pants."

Choosing What To Wear.

'He wears a necktie like he means it.'

Mount Rushmore entertainment.

"I like what you've done with your apartment and your clothes."

So it's a short back and sides, but leave the horns!

'Now that's what I call a beautiful fit.'

'...but since no fossils of dinosaur clothing have yet been found, what you see here is mostly speculation.'

"I didn't realise it was a formal do."

Drones deliver gold, frankincense and myrrh to baby Jesus.

Shoe Whore

'My barbie's got a hot date she needs some slag-rags.'

"The adult coloring books are a big hit."

After deliberating on the topic for weeks, I've decided to grow out my toenails. Why? My mane of hair is lustrous and thick. My musk is overpowering. My muscles, toned. Primal. Sinewy. My chest hair is coifed and glistening. But I can't rest on my laurels. The only way to maximize my animal magnetism at this point is to grow talons. I'm a victim of my success. And here I was worried about world peace.

The trouble was she never knew where to draw the line

Too Much?

Shopping Torture

Self checkout and 'selfie' check out at a store.

100% Bombast-Filled Parka

Giant sale - 'Sorry Luv - that's the last one.'

'Does it come with American citizenship?'

"He's taking selfies again. More anesthesia!"

'Before you say anything, I've saved more than you earn in a month!'

'Hey, man, that's not how we do the flash mob!'

Big Hats Through History

Hat Swap

"Honey, I quit my job to go shopping everyday!"

"So you've seen my double-lingerie invention? Does it get approval of the patent office?"

Vanilla Ice Cream a la Mode.

Fittings for jeans: 'unfortunate paunch', 'persistent lumps', 'just weird.'