Modern-day Oracle Gifts

'I don't do palms anymore... let me see your I-pod.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Wikipedia...

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

The Authentic Christmas.

"Well, it gets lonely up here!"

'The only certainties in life are birth, death, taxes, and stock market uncertainty.'

Power/Expenditures

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

'Let me get this straight: you'll answer three questions, but only three questions? No kidding? Boy, is this my lucky day or what?'

"Heads, we go with the analytics. Tails, we don't."

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

Hipster Police Department

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Guide us, oh Webmaster.'

I'll put my nose to the grindstone and shoulder to the wheel, which reminds me, how's the health plan?

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

'What're you doing, kid? You keep spoiling my surprise!'

'Looks like the gods are angry.'

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

They call me the Groundhog of Love. Romantically speaking, I can bring you an early spring. But if you see my shadow, you can expect six weeks of stalking.

I told you way back in 2015 that Donald Trump would be the next president. You called it. You predicted every twist and turn of the election. It was eerie. What's going to happen next, Randy? What's going to happen to us all? Trump will fund research where they use my DNA to make everyone super hot and super chill, and we'll all live in sweet, sexy bliss. HOJ. I'm not sure whether I predicted the future, or whether the future obeyed me. So that one's just in case. Good thinking.

"I think you are meant to delegate"

"Why do you want to invest in oil futures?"

'Looks like the income off of our site has went from passive to comatose.'

Palmist Alarmist - Uh ooooh!

"It's asking for your password."

'Slipsbac, lets talk about your future here.'