Modern-day Oracle T-Shirts

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Wikipedia...

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

Power/Expenditures

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"Well, it gets lonely up here!"

'The only certainties in life are birth, death, taxes, and stock market uncertainty.'

The Authentic Christmas.

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

'Let me get this straight: you'll answer three questions, but only three questions? No kidding? Boy, is this my lucky day or what?'

"Heads, we go with the analytics. Tails, we don't."

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

Hipster Police Department

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Guide us, oh Webmaster.'

I'll put my nose to the grindstone and shoulder to the wheel, which reminds me, how's the health plan?

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

'Looks like the gods are angry.'

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"I think you are meant to delegate"

"Why do you want to invest in oil futures?"

"Baldo, being a newspaper critic isn't all about being negative. You have to find positive things to say too."

Palmist Alarmist - Uh ooooh!

'Looks like the income off of our site has went from passive to comatose.'

"It's asking for your password."

'Slipsbac, lets talk about your future here.'