Modern-day Merry Man Gifts

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

Little Piano

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

Working at a brewery.

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

'I'm sorry, I laughed when I saw you in spite of myself!'

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

'This is the part of the job I hate.'

"Don't worry dear. I won't spoil her anymore than you can afford."

It's our editorial opinion that you DESERVE a very Merry Christmas.

"Yeah of course I told them I was bringing you, why?"

"So where's the baby cheeses we heard so much about?"

'With all I've learned about psychology recently, establishing who's naughty and who's nice is not as simple as it used to be.'

Reindeer Tryouts Today Only

'Eat in moderation. Drink in moderation. Be merry all you want.'

'I don't need to go on a diet. All I need is a bigger pair of pants.'

'I think we are just about to be found out.'

Robin Hood wished his men were a bit less merry.

'In the off season, I rent them out as lawn ornaments.'

Cream Pie Joust

"I prefer sawn-off arrows. They double up as knitting needles for the wife.2

"Where have I heard that laugh?"

"Thanks for calling in, Joan. First off, can we agree that naughty/nice i purely a socially determined distinction?"

"There it is! The last leaf - that's all we need to kick off the Christmas shopping season!"

"I'd look forward to the company Christmas Party a lot more if I wasn't self-employed."

"I work for the North Pole Delivery Commission, and I'm here to verify that your chimney meets the statutory minimum measures."