Modern Day Cynic Pillows

'A penny for your thoughts, Bernie... of course I'll have to pay you later.'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'I hate my life.

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Obama builds own gallows.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

The first accurate poll.

"Would you say your politics are middle of the road?"

"I didn't like the stamp, I didn't like the opera, and I don't like the movie."

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

Monday Checklist.

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

Old Rope

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

"Son, remember - its possible most politicians lie - it's the American way."

"So much for the news, now for the corrections."

"Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I think we can fool all the people all the time!"

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

Finally, a news network that doesn't fill me up...it's 97 fact free!

Cornucopia Prime