Modern Convenience Fan Gifts

'Don't worry - There's an app for disposing his body - Burial or cremation?'

Pizza-Matic

Drive Through: Attorney, Therapy and Prayer

Pasta

"Fridge-to-table"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

"I finally figured out what was causing my backache. You know that fancy modern office furniture I ordered a few weeks back? I just realized. I've been sitting on the wastebasket."

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

Snow White was a sucker for red apples, tattoos, and guys with beards.

"It's 3D 4K HD - ideal for my old silent movie collection."

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

Vents, real and digital.

Furniture for the age of anxiety.

Avon lady (selling foundation cream) tapping a builder on the shoulder.

'All I said was,'do you want decking,sir?'

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

"I'll confess, the first time I realized they didn't have any panes it gave me quite a turn!"

"Hey boy! Hey! Hey! Hey! Are those earbuds? Hey!!"

'Aren't you glad we decided not to fly north thing spring?'

It's a text from the patient. He says 'more anesthetic, please.'"

"I told you that thermostat was too high, didn't I?"

Man nails in a picture of boxing wearing boxing gloves.

'What would it cost to change it into a one-way glass house?'

'I hear he died laughing...while texting.'

"Do you know who I'd like a one-to-one with?"

Episcopalian Flue Jab.

'I'm not sure but I think the four basic food groups are frozen, canned, junk and take out.'

"Peanut butter sandwich. Instant pudding. TV dinner. Canned soup. This is home-style cooking."

This is the new chicken product, poulet ding! I suppose the 'ding' is the sound of the microwave.

'Here's to the frozen food aisles at the supermarket!'

Don't hang up, sir- you haven't got a wrong number.