Modern Chronicler Gifts

Wedding Selfie

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

Two Generations of Readers

Aluminium Henge

'Your life story?....why not, the world is in need of a few good laughs!'

"I'm taking detailed notes of everything, so I can tell my kids what things were really like when I was their age."

"The third little pig built a super strong brick house so The Big Bad Wolf couldn't break in and violate the rules of social distancing."

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

Updated Nursery Rhymes. And this little piggy played Wii, Wii, Wii all day long!

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

"If he doesn't go nuts first, he'll be the first person to ever write a novel on a cell phone."

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.

The killing of journalists

"She's always writing in that journal of hers. Maybe she'll be a notary public when she grows up."

Trump 2.0

'I like the way you have Jack and Jill go up the hill with a lawyer.'

'You mean you once had to WRITE letters?'

"I pick up most of my wisdom from celebrity interviews.'

No one said anything about blogging …

"The following story is based on a Netflix original series, from a book published by Amazon.com."

'Last child without her own cell phone' museum exhibit.

A mobile phone reads bedtime stories.

'Does this book come with director commentary.'

Trump Campaign Funding

Updated fairy tales: Glued to their screens, Hansel and Gretel don't even notice the witch's house. Hey! Hello?

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

Chalkboard says, What I did on my holidays. Boy asks: "Can't I just email you a link to my blog, miss?"

' And after getting an excellent divorce settlement, Cinderella married an even more charming prince, and lived happily ever after.'

Fables for the Millennial.

Opium Den 2019

"Three clocks in this room, one in the kitchen, one in the front room, one in the hallway, aother three tickling upstairs, oh, and a watch in his waistcoat pocket. No forgetting the old grandfather clock in the shed. It's the most exercise he gets. Twice a year."

Yeah, same. I thought those emojis were just cute little dogs. The Boy Who Texted Wolf.

"Although my client was well aware of the falling crime rate, Your Honor, he chose not to be trendy."