Modern Apothecarist Gifts

"For fever, we scrape the bark from the branch, boil it with shredded leaves and sprinkle in powdered root. Then, just to be sure we add some antibiotics."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

vaccine wars.

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

'We look for a new drug, we find a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug...'

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

Thank you, Essential Workers

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

Booster shots

Fighting the Pandemic

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

'But Timmy, you have to eat your antibiotics, or you'll never become a big and strong bacteria.'

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Whack-a-molecule