Modern-day Alchemist Gifts

"Dios mio! I can't believe they're selling this!"

Weird things I do because of the internet

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"Who can we call?"

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

'Good - we're finally all on the same rampage.'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'Think outside the seed.'

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

'Have no fear - I'll have the project completed for you in no time.'

'Dang.'

"Garbage in, great books out."

Alcohol Ingredients

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"

"Since I've been using this organic stuff my potions are far more effective."

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

'I'm trying to transmute lead into a combustible fuel that will produce no smoke.' 'Turning it into gold will be easier.'

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

"One can only hope this is the raw stuff of art."

"He's done it your majesty! He's turned lead into a screenplay!"

"Your immortality tonic may not be worth it, Sol."

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

"I was writing a novel based on the idea of a man suffering from déjà vu, until I realised it had been done before."