Mock Taxidermy Enthusiast Pillows

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

Football Chameleon

"The invention of taxidermy."

'What is that? Is that sarcasm?'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."

'I was wondering if you could take this box of squirrels and make something cool with them, like a wolf?'

Cat reaching his paw into a mouse hole that is rigged with a guillotine; the mouse has many taxidermy cat paws displayed on his wall

'That's my husband, Brad. He's a dentist.'

Superintendent

Pizza Delivery Delays

"They've been walking like this since they watched that documentary on elephants."

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

'This pea is the first vegetable that I've ever grown so I would like to have it stuffed and mounted.'

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

Little girl curling the mane of her father's lion hunting trophy.

Memorials of The Great Exhibition - 1851. No. X. - A delicate attention.

"Well, just when can you call for it, Mr. Harper?"

"He does impressions too!"

'Now this was a crafty one!'

'A pint of beer and a mop please, barman !'

'Our accident in Wyoming wiped out our vacations for the next 5 years.'

"I'm sorry—the agency told me they'd cleared away last summer's people."

Jake played with a dead man's hand

'Give me a beer, luv. . . Yeah, a mop.'

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

Casey's Veterinarian Clinic and Taxidermy 'Either way you'll get your pet back.'

'It appears that he was given payback by his trophies.'

'I loved that tortoise, so when it was run over by a steamroller...'

"Were the x-rays really necessary?"

To Doc who took care of me while I was alive...