Mock Taxidermy Enthusiast Gifts

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

Football Chameleon

"The invention of taxidermy."

'What is that? Is that sarcasm?'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"I'll bet there's a story there."

'He's been doing this ever since he saw the Lion King!'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."

Cat reaching his paw into a mouse hole that is rigged with a guillotine; the mouse has many taxidermy cat paws displayed on his wall

Superintendent

Pizza Delivery Delays

'That's my husband, Brad. He's a dentist.'

'I was wondering if you could take this box of squirrels and make something cool with them, like a wolf?'

"They've been walking like this since they watched that documentary on elephants."

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

'This pea is the first vegetable that I've ever grown so I would like to have it stuffed and mounted.'

Little girl curling the mane of her father's lion hunting trophy.

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

Memorials of The Great Exhibition - 1851. No. X. - A delicate attention.

Lecture today. This last one is always found just outside cave entrances. Lecture today. Hominid fossil finds. We're calling him "gnomo-sapiens."

"Well, just when can you call for it, Mr. Harper?"

"He does impressions too!"

'Now this was a crafty one!'

'A pint of beer and a mop please, barman !'

"I'm sorry—the agency told me they'd cleared away last summer's people."

'Our accident in Wyoming wiped out our vacations for the next 5 years.'

'It appears that he was given payback by his trophies.'

'I loved that tortoise, so when it was run over by a steamroller...'

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

Jake played with a dead man's hand

Casey's Veterinarian Clinic and Taxidermy 'Either way you'll get your pet back.'

'Give me a beer, luv. . . Yeah, a mop.'

"Were the x-rays really necessary?"