Mochas Gifts

"Spare change please mister, for a Mocha Frappuccino with cinnamon sprinkles?"

Sermon on the Grounds...

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Sorry...but until we fix the cloaking device, this will have to do."

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Spontaneous Kombucha

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

Important Muscles.

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

Soldiers' Ego

'Good work Jenkins Whisting the National anthem Genius'

Geezer.

"I'm fine. It's coffee."

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

'Come, Darling! Let us give in to our most primal urges!'

"Wanna come over and watch the big game?....I was actually talking about the new 'Pac-Man vs. Superman' X-box game."

"This is all my own hair."

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

Documentation Please

Toxic Masculinity

"Football and hunting - what more could you ask for?"

The crew of the pirate ship 'The Bearded Lady' celebrate their greatest booty haul ever.

A Moosetache.

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

How to wear a false moustache.

I see relations between Dylan and Daisy are at a all time low!

I've never been in here before. What's your best drink? That'd be the Gambler's Mocha. Sounds interesting. What's in it? Oh … a little of this, a little of that. For all you know, it's a smooth blend of hand-mixed Amedei Porcelana dark chocolate from Tuscany ... and Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee beans, hand-picked by sherpas 5,000 feet above sea level precisely at sunset ... topped with a light whip of frozen Arctic sea foam, and black diamond cream from Dubai ... for all you know ... Or it coul

"It's 8 a.m. somewhere."

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."

And then, right in the middle of a Warrant/Winger double bill, Rob Myers becomes the first person in history to actually have his socks rocked off.

"Tell us about yourself, Pete."