Macho Mess Maker Gifts

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

Jackson Pollock as a child

Macho talk from down in accounting.

Important Muscles.

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Soldiers' Ego

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

Instant art

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

"Can I help it if dirt is attracted to me?"

Alpha males through the ages!

"And I suppose cleaning up after yourself just once would in some way stifle your precious creativity."

Glasses half full, half empty, half assed.

'Don't worry about the dishes. I did them.'

"This is all my own hair."

"Wanna come over and watch the big game?....I was actually talking about the new 'Pac-Man vs. Superman' X-box game."

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

'This isn't my closet - this is my room.'

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

"Football and hunting - what more could you ask for?"

"If he'd done that to me, I'd have got up and given him a good thump!"

Toxic Masculinity

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

"I don't think so, Ted!"

'I need something to spill.'

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

"There's one telltale sign a man is interested in you....He weeps when you mercilessly mock him and all that he holds dear....It also weeds out the 'men' who are afraid to cry."

'John's hiding. I expect His wife gave him quiche again for lunch.'

'That's a good start, Betsy, but could you make it more macho?'

Arm and leg wrestling.