Mob Movie Fan Gifts

"Sorry, Sylvia, but your mother's long-term care has been going on just a little bit too long."

'You the one they call 'The Farmer'?'

"You understand this was just business."

Mafia Shrinks

"Just because you swam with the sharks it doesn't make you a big fish"

Our cover is francophile liberals

'It's a long shot, but it might just work.'

'Take me to your leader -- I've got an offer he can't refuse!'

'You must be Tony Stiletto. I'm Tommy Big Ears. It's a pleasure to finally meet you.'

'Have you guys heard nothing about the environmental impacts of cement production?!'

'Hi. I'm Don.'

'I don't care what is politically correct... hench person just doesn't sound right.'

'Men at woik'

"Give up the goods or I'll beat it outta ya!"

"Paper or plastic?"

A man sinking with a rock tied to him passes a fish with a balloon tied to him.

"Tonight, you sleep with the fishes."

"For future reference, when I say give it to 'im, I mean shoot 'im."

"The operation was a success. After a few weeks of PT he can return to to a full life of crime."

"Boys, this is Louie, our fixer."

If you ain't got the money you owe us, pal. We'll have to resort to violence. Jimmy, rearrange his facebook.

"I call shotgun."

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

"Were our business legitimate, gentlemen, this would be considered legal."

"I'll have the 'Sammy the bull' …hold the quail eggs."

"My wife slipped me some tofu. I had her whacked."

". . .or, you can juggle a world record 6 balls, 6 rings and one barking bichon and we call it a day."

I think Armstrong was coming on to me just now. 'Cause he was winking at you? The meaning of a wink depends entirely on context, little buddy. It could mean anything from "I want your body" to "I want you to dispose of this body." As someone who's dated several ladies of the mafia, trust me when I say it's sometimes tough to discern the difference. That's why I always recommend amateurs just ignore all winks. Ok.

A mobster deals with a termite problem. Sorry, guys, force of habit. You don't really need to make it look like an accident.

The Mafia Goes Green.

Oh, you'll talk – unless you want Joe here to go through your Insta and like all your ex-girlfriend's old photos.

"Now get to chiseling."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Pistol Packing Momma.

'I want you to 'take him for a walk.''