Misunderstood Metaphor Enthusiasts Gifts

"Granddad tells us to see the 'big picture,' so we're watching more television.

Reading my Critics

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

"My guess it's guacamole."

A Poem about Sand

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

"now let's try one without the tusks."

"The elephant is in the OTHER room. I want to talk about the PENGUIN in the room."

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

If poets wrote road signs.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

'I had a nest egg once, but I sat on it too long, and ended up with nothing but a frozen asset.'

'You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare.'

"There are far too many balls in your court, Brintner!"

"It's the new business model - my ideas have sex with your ideas."

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

"I think you need to reboot your carrot."

"... And this, gentlemen, is our target for the next six months."

Executive Coach: Specializing in sports metaphores.

English As A Second Language

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"he's out of the woods and resting comfortably in a sunlit glade."

"I've fallen for you hook, line and really BIG sinker."

'This is the eight hundred and sixty-seventh day of my captivity - How about you?'

'What's this, Dawkins?another of you 'visual metaphors'?'

"Sometimes, son, the guilt inside builds up so much you have to vent the shame silo."