Mismatched Metaphor Enthusiasts Gifts

'Do I know about incontinence? No I never was good at Geography.'

Reading my Critics

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

A Poem about Sand

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

The Eclectic Chair

"now let's try one without the tusks."

"The elephant is in the OTHER room. I want to talk about the PENGUIN in the room."

If poets wrote road signs.

'I had a nest egg once, but I sat on it too long, and ended up with nothing but a frozen asset.'

"There are far too many balls in your court, Brintner!"

"I think you need to reboot your carrot."

"It's the new business model - my ideas have sex with your ideas."

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

Executive Coach: Specializing in sports metaphores.

"... And this, gentlemen, is our target for the next six months."

English As A Second Language

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

'This is the eight hundred and sixty-seventh day of my captivity - How about you?'

"he's out of the woods and resting comfortably in a sunlit glade."

"I've fallen for you hook, line and really BIG sinker."

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

'What's this, Dawkins?another of you 'visual metaphors'?'

"Sometimes, son, the guilt inside builds up so much you have to vent the shame silo."

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

"Well, it looks like the shit finally hit the fan. So, who wants to lick the blades?"