Mismatch Enthusiast Gifts

A Collision Between A Stonemason and Gentlemen.

Can I help you sir?

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

I smell feet ... Human feet. About six months ago, I was getting my car fixed, and on the wall of the garage, there was a sign that read, "Change worn shocks at 50,000 miles." I mistook "shocks" for socks."

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

'Sorry about wearing odd shoes. Luckily I have an identical pair at home!'

"Well, that's the last time we go on separate holidays!"

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

'You wouldn't believe the number of odd socks I have...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but you have the wrong number. Yes, I'm sure this is the wrong number. Listen, Mister...have I ever lied to you before?"

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'Well this is awkward.'

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Alligator Bars

The Eclectic Chair

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

'Painter'

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

'You haven't much experience in plant conservation, have you Winthorpe?'

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

Classic Film Festival. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I told you it wasn't a buddy movie!

Big deal - give her the one from that screwball who came in last week.