Misstep Enthusiast Pillows

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

The hall of bad ideas.

'The sleepover was great Mum: Timmy's house is a pigsty just like ours...'

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

Magician hitting someone while performing a trick.

Parisian Misguided Tours.

"Over the river and through a ridiculous detour that has us in the middle of who-knows-where, to Grandfather’s house we go!"

'I thought you'd like to know the cat got down from the roof by itself.'

Discus accidents.

"It feeds blood to our brains...and that makes us smarter!"

spellchecker

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

'I just faxed my tie to our Des Moines office.'

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"He had his binoculars back to front!"

'I said, 'Left after the bunny slope! Left!'.'

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

"Doreen, the cat's after the parrot again!"

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

Restroom Practical Joke.

"My decorating style is more like 'Flung Shui'."

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

'You have to clean it yourself. There is no delete key.'

"Mom is pretty certain I'm on my third guardian angel by now."

"The card you are thinking of is... the fifth of Jacks!"

"You threw the wrench again, didn't you?"