Missing An Award Pillows

"Missing out at the AWARDS was BIG upset to Jim...but luckily his team has rallied around to repair the damage...to his ego!"

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Award Winning Gardener

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Win - win

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"So that's where you were last night."

Soccer coach of the year.

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

Zdeno Chara

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Employee of the month...

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

'Just to keep everybody on their toes, let's can the employee of the month.'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"