Misleading Expectations Explorer T-Shirts

"You're fired."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Be open to help.

I don't know if neuronal stem cells can or cannot become blood cells but one thing is for sure, neuronal stem cells can become controversial.

"It looked better on pinterest."

Assault weapons go over the cliff.

"And for a left-handed designated hitter and a player to be named later, Mr. Steinbrenner would gladly fly Elián home."

Shipwrecked.

'Oh Great. We just missed the once a millennia bus out.'

"All I get is a bird's eye view."

"The idea at 3 am. The idea at 7 am."

'How am I doing?'

"This is not Easter Island. My boat sank before getting there."

'Well, what did you expect?'

Dyslexic Doomsayers.

'Regardless, our trip to the Upper Amazon was fine. You know David--everything has to be perfect.'

"You can make your own mistakes when you can hire your own lawyer."

Face Trophies

"...But I don't want to get in the back Norma, I want to stay in the front with you"

'- but I didn't think it meant a two-made-into one-suit, dammit!'

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

You are here...

"Honey, did you see where I placed that book entitled:'How to improve your memory?"

'So do you have any travel plans fah the holidays, Eddie?'

"Did you put out the fire before we left?"

"What's caused the recent increase in radio listening?"

"I hope we haven't come at a bad time."

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

Why Do We Always Want Something Better For Our Children Than What We Had For Ourselves?