Misleading Expectations Explorer T-Shirts

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"You're fired."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Be open to help.

I don't know if neuronal stem cells can or cannot become blood cells but one thing is for sure, neuronal stem cells can become controversial.

"It looked better on pinterest."

Cast away in a life raft with Dr. Phil.

Assault weapons go over the cliff.

"And for a left-handed designated hitter and a player to be named later, Mr. Steinbrenner would gladly fly Elián home."

Shipwrecked.

'Oh Great. We just missed the once a millennia bus out.'

"All I get is a bird's eye view."

"The idea at 3 am. The idea at 7 am."

'How am I doing?'

Jihadi Art Critics Circle

"This is not Easter Island. My boat sank before getting there."

'Well, what did you expect?'

Face Trophies

"I think it's time we define the practical limits of your Paleo diet."

'- but I didn't think it meant a two-made-into one-suit, dammit!'

"You can make your own mistakes when you can hire your own lawyer."

It's more about the journey for me!

"...But I don't want to get in the back Norma, I want to stay in the front with you"

'Regardless, our trip to the Upper Amazon was fine. You know David--everything has to be perfect.'

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

Dyslexic Doomsayers.

You are here...

"Honey, did you see where I placed that book entitled:'How to improve your memory?"

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

"What's caused the recent increase in radio listening?"

'So do you have any travel plans fah the holidays, Eddie?'

"Did you put out the fire before we left?"

"I hope we haven't come at a bad time."

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."