Mirror Tactician Pillows

"To reinforce my diet, the mirror goes on the fridge."

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

"But mom, all you said was 'get all your stuff up off the floor!' "

Carlo Ancelotti

"I just tweeted a chirp."

The quarantine self cut.

"That's in case Mum skypes me."

"I have the new list of approved tweets."

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

"Call it wishful thinking, but I don't think this peace will last. . . ."

"If you can't beat them, sir, perhaps you should consider colluding with them."

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

'Man, I can't believe we didn't think of this before.'

Kamakasi pilot instructor

"Of course I know what the rearview mirror is for...to check at any moment if my hair still looks ok."

"I haven't been in any academic journals but I do get my Tweets re-Tweeted a lot."

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

"For goodness sakes, Harold. Stop preening!"

"However, now, gentlemen, we see the frown has become a smile."

"What do you do?""I'm a layer. The law. I do law. I practice law. I'm an attorney. Something legal."

"Hey Mundo, I'm collecting videotape for American's Dumbest Videos! Show me something stupid!"

"Are you talking to amoeba?"

"I want conventional and nuclear battle plans on my desk. It's time to take this Twitter war to the next level."

"But, what if we're attacked in the press?"

"It's blank because we haven't found a new war yet."

Napoleon with a wine bottle for a shadow

Out Of My Way, Stupid!

"To-do list. Item one. Clear up the world's problems masterful tweet."

Man looking in mirror at the barber's.

Manuel Pellegrini