Mini Advisor Gifts

'So you're the boy who wants to be a health and safety officer.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"It failed the stress test."

"I don't have time for piggy banks. Can't I just buy an ATM?"

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'That's my boy...'

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

I rule by fear.

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

Don't forget to read the small print.

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

'G'morning, I'm the small business advisor.'

"The steering-committee three are we. Run it by us, and we'll see."

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

"It was a lot easier to keep up with the Joneses before they replaced their entire workforce with robots."

'It's just until the election is over, but I'm replacing you with Dick Morris.'

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

"I used to get toys as birthday gifts but now that I'm in pre-school, all I get is money for my college fund."

"I need advice and you seem to have a level head."

'John, this is where you should declare your underlying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'