Financial Advisor's Mini Me Gifts

'I don't understand how high interest rates and the national deficit affect my allowance.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"It failed the stress test."

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

Saving for Retirement.

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

"I used to get toys as birthday gifts but now that I'm in pre-school, all I get is money for my college fund."

'Teddy, someone from the Pentagon wants to talk to you about drones in Pakistan, whatever that means.'

'According to his stats, this right-fielder hit .317 and is 50 in stocks, 30 in bonds and 20 in cash.'

'With the current healthcare situation, my son decided he wants a junior investment banker kit.'

'I went through the data and found an 11.7% increase in the discretionary spending portion of our family budget, so I see no reason not to raise my allowance.'

"Yeah, yeah, you can do a nice mating-dance, but I need to see a bank statement..."

Sadie, you've refused for a decade to discuss your finances with me. That's fine. But we should make provisions in case something … in case … Tell me nothing will ever happen to us!!! Part of every death planning session is a glimpse into the raw terror of it all. We'll live to argue forever, Snookums.

'The Banks are keen to tap into your expertise.'

'I couldn't afford the lavish lifestyle I was living. Coming to accept that was freeing, although, not as freeing as I had hoped.'

'So you're the boy who wants to be a health and safety officer.'

"My school day was mixed. Big gains in history class, English was flat, math declined by a quarter-grade, and I took a pounding at recess."

"Will this be cash or consumer debt?"

'You have to spend money to make money, and Walter just HATES it.'

'His idea of planning for the future is buying two cases of beer.'

'Gracie's the only kid I know who analyses her halloween sweets before eating them.'

"This one would give even more benefits for when you go."

"Never sell your hotels and try to choose the tiny hat."

"This is Mr. Burke—he's a non-bank banker."

"Now, where would we be if little girls were allowed to trade in overseas bonds?"

Joker Financial Consultant

Positive Graph

"I've just had mine repossessed..."

Electric Price Shock

'...And they all hoped they would live happily ever after.'

"Our joint account isn't overdrawn, it's just underdeposited."

'Please help! Not unemployed, just living beyond my mines.'

Ask about our Pay Now, Go Later Plan

I accept credit cards: 'Thanks! Do you want your card back?'