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'It's called doctor-patient confidentiality. In layman's terms, you're paying me to keep my mouth shut.'

A therapist joins his patient on the couch.

'EVERYTHING in moderation?.. Don't you think that's a bit EXTREME?'

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

"You've got to want to connect the dots, Mr. Michaelson."

"But first, doctor, please help me decide which way round to lie."

Philosophy Department.

"If I didn't worry all the time what would I do with myself?"

'The pains in my head always seem to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet.'

"It's great being able to say what I'm thinking and not be judged."

"Yeah. What I remember most is that you still owe me money!"

"You've got an inferiority complex, alright, but what's worse is...it's not a very good one."

"The thing that should bother me don't - should I be worried?"

Analyst has an ink blot on a card for a head.

I wonder if they can think...

'I was happier when I was unhappy.'

Patient still lost in thought ??" refuses to stop and ask for directions.

Double Think Tank

"Ronald can't come to the phone. He's taking stock."

Mental reflux disease.

Muses of the Couch

"Have you given any thought to what you want to think about when you grow up?"

"I can't stop you talking to yourself, so I'm prescribing a dummy mobile phone..."

'It's my dreams: I find them offensive.'

'Nobody's even TRIED to steal my identity!'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"How's everything here? Let's start with your earliest childhood memories."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

'I've told you time and again, if you didn't east so fast, you wouldn't swallow so much flotsam.'

"Half-full. Those were the days."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"Sugar, trans fats, and an adorable dead baby lamb. Cash back?"

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'