Military Spouse Pillows

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"I wanted a gazebo."

The Colonel reading Clive's letters to the ladies of the regiment.

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Make love not war.

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

The Perfect Foil

Behind Every Stupid Man

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"Never marry an engineer."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'His wife is very supportive.'

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

Old Love

"The groceries are in the car."

It's January. Do you know where your children are?

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

'How long have you two been married?'

'Swear on your unpublished novels that you will support each other's ridiculous dreams.'

"By George, that should do it - as long as we don[t bomb our own men again "

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

"The beanbag chair, … do we take it out of the furniture budget or the art budget?"

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

"I can see future generations swallowing the 'talking serpent' part, but we need a more plausible forbidden fruit."

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

THE GOLDMANS HIRE A MEDIA CONSULTANT.

"Not another gooseberry bush!"

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'