Military Spouse Gifts

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"I wanted a gazebo."

The Colonel reading Clive's letters to the ladies of the regiment.

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Make love not war.

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

The Perfect Foil

Behind Every Stupid Man

When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"Never marry an engineer."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'His wife is very supportive.'

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'Swear on your unpublished novels that you will support each other's ridiculous dreams.'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

Old Love

'How long have you two been married?'

"The groceries are in the car."

It's January. Do you know where your children are?

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"By George, that should do it - as long as we don[t bomb our own men again "

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

Kathleen felt she was stuck between Iraq and a heart place.

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

"The beanbag chair, … do we take it out of the furniture budget or the art budget?"

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

"I can see future generations swallowing the 'talking serpent' part, but we need a more plausible forbidden fruit."

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"I figured, better the devil you know."