Military Family Member Gifts

"You don't think rum-filled centers would give his officers the wrong impression?"

"Don't act Pentagonial with me!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Licensed Therapist

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

"I didn't spark joy."

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

"Little help?"

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Cardiac Recovery.

'Whoops! I think you've arrived a little too early for school today, Dad!'

Very Difficult Conversations

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Dancing Doctor

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

Babies vs. Dogs

'And this is Allan...he's the brain in the family!'

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

Swinging

"You left your demons here last week."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

No caption (In the first frame a dog rides in a car with his head hanging out the window. The dog is smiling. In the next three frames the view gets progressively closer to his ear, until on the fourth frame a closeup is shown of a flea on the dogs ear. He too, is smiling).

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"