Military Intelligence Officer Gifts

'Bob, you're fired as Estimator of Enemy Numbers.'

"We're slipping you this decoration, K-43, in recognition of your distinguished service in military intelligence."

"It's just as I feared - we're on Santa's naughty list."

"And this is the new spy satellite we're building to spy of the spy satellite spying on our spy satellite."

"I know we have some invisible ink somewhere but we can never find it..."

Hate Platforms

The Anti-Agent

America, are we learning anything?

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Neo-International Law

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Postwar is hell."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Military Medals

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

The Circular Logic of Fascism

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

CIA report

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

When Engineers Crack.

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

"Either we spend millions on new technology to erase each agent's memory following a sensitive assignment, or we just start hiring people over fifty."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"The first one is for graduating from basic training. The rest are classified."