Intelligence Officer Gifts

Torture-Free C.I.A. Interrogation Tools

'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'

"So it's agreed - we go ahead with the information-matching."

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

'Why worry about intrusive electronic surveillance. If you've done nothing wrong, you should have nothing to hide!'

'It seems we have a leak! Somebody is letting the left hand know what the right hand is doing.'

'And just how are we going to win if every time I buy a ticket, you eat it?'

"The situation in Iraq appears to be going well, gentlemen. That, however, is a map of Staten Island."

"Possible security breach, sir. It's the smart bombs. They know too much."

"After you read the menu, eat it."

"Keep your voice down there's a tap on the phone"

Business Intelligence Unit.

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

'Hey, I left my Top Secret Codebook on the subway. Can I get another one?'

Domestic Spying.

"It`s the special branch."

"It's O.K., I'm with the government."

'Vee vill soon find verr you keep ze confidential information...'

In the wake of the Duelfer report the White House vows to improve U.S. intelligence gathering.

Avoiding being overheard by the NSA.

"Gentlemen, one of us is a mole!"

Internet Blackout and the NSA

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

'We heard you say you're worried about the government listening to your phone calls so we called to tell you not to worry . . . yet.'

'I'm sorry sir. I'm afraid you can't see the menu. It's top secret.'

Political Espionage

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

America's Funniest Encrypted Passwords

"Who knew being a spy could be so dangerous?"

NSA is coming to town.

"Are you sure he's saying 'Death to the infielders'?"

"People are scum."

CIA Disinformation Desk

'It wasn't easy, sweetheart, but I did it -- I overthrew the Australian government.'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."