Military Award Ceremony Pillows

Base chapel.

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Win - win

Infantry.

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

Defence Cutbacks.

Soccer coach of the year.

Employee of the Month

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"This one is for not complaining about stretched too thin handling domestic and foreign crises."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

'The 'most improved player of the year award' or the 'you don't suck as much as you did last year award' goes to...'

Oscars

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Teacher of the Year: "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"I want to thank all the little people."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

'Congratulations on winning Weather Forecaster of the Year, you rotten swine!'

Theodore Roosevelt wins the Nobel Peace Prize.

"This goes to our Most Aggressive Defender and, ironicall, first person ever to foul out of an awards banquet..."

"I bet you miss your brother."

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

Henry was hoping nobody would notice that he had lost his helmet...'