Midwestern Musings Gifts

Midwest Nice . . . Truth

Cats want answer to the big questions in life.

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

Pull and all nighter...

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

A Modern Day Cowboy and his Horse.

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"It's not that we had more fun before we got married --- it's just that now we're having a different kind of fun."

Mental baggage, a brain with a handle for easy carrying.

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

Minnesota Weather.

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'Assuming moral absolutes - good dog.'

'They suspect arson.'

"Look kid, you can't blame everything you do on me."

'If there is an unlimited supply of something....mortality is that it make our time finite....I think I'll poop on this guy's head.'

'Nobody believes a word I say!' 'Oh, come now!'

'I keep thinking about teaching.'

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

"I was sleepless once, but it was in Omaha."

"Crap, I hit reply all."

"Tell me more about this inferiority complex."

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

"If your faith is so strong, why did you rush to the E.R. instead of your church?"

Nethead strip: Psycho analyst

"What did we do before widescreen TV?"

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Last Tango in Wisconsin

'Of course I know the difference between right and wrong! Wrong pays better!'

"That's Ben. He's utterly ruthless and calculation, but in a nice, midwestern sort of way."

Welcome to Kansas or Some State Very Much Like It

"I'm trapped in the wrong ID number."

"I'm somewhere between O. and K."

'Did I sleep well? I didn't stay awake to find out. . .'

I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd embroider my memoirs a bit.