Midlife Reassessment Pillows

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Middle-Age Superheroes

ZZZZZZZ Top

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I'm here for the hair."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

'Where Are They Now?'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"You used to be that ambitious."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

Menopause and the City

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'