Midlife Mourner T-Shirts

You Know You're Old When...

Middle-Age Superheroes

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Rock and Roll

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour

Bookshop: Closed, Coming Soon Here Internet Cafe.

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Tragedy and Remedy.

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

"It's a deal: Two more years, then we let ourselves go."

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"Oh, that's my cousin. I'm the Bluebird of Mid-Life Existential Despair!"

"This next one's for you, babe."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

How to injury yourself as an adult

A Visit From the Jowl Fairy

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

A Conservation Biologist Goes for Therapy

"He hasn't been the same since his phone died."

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

"I don't think she's this happy to be turning fifty."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."