Midlife Mourner Pillows

You Know You're Old When...

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Rock and Roll

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour

Bookshop: Closed, Coming Soon Here Internet Cafe.

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Tragedy and Remedy.

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"Oh, that's my cousin. I'm the Bluebird of Mid-Life Existential Despair!"

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

"It's a deal: Two more years, then we let ourselves go."

How to injury yourself as an adult

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

A Visit From the Jowl Fairy

"I don't think she's this happy to be turning fifty."

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"The combover works even less now that you're using your back hair."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

"He hasn't been the same since his phone died."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

A Conservation Biologist Goes for Therapy