Midlife Health Review Gifts

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"I'm here for the hair."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"