Midlife Health Review Gifts

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Middle-Age Superheroes

ZZZZZZZ Top

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I'm here for the hair."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"You used to be that ambitious."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"How do you know if you're under the radar or washed up?"

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'Look at the bright side -- having a business fail when you're thirty is great preparation for your Midlife Crisis.'

Quick Spring Fling

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'